I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
