My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
