so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
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