I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
