I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
