Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
