god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
