so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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