Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
