You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
