dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
