Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I have tasted many bathrooms
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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