At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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