We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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