We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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