Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I want a musical about memes.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
