lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
