you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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