We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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