I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Randomize
