um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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