Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
