I wish I could teleport
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She told me I should be a condom model.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
