neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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