I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
