I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
