pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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