i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
