You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
