I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
