We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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