i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
