I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Everyone says I win the strip club
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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