My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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