dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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