I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
