Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
