The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
