I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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