The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Terrible idea I love it
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
