oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
