and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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