So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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