At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
