i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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