I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
