dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
