I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
