He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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