ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
