omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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