where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
