vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
