Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
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