Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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