Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
