Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize