she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
