it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
