i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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