don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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