another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
