i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
