My underwear smells like fireworks.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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