maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
