We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
