I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
and you fell through a lawn chair
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
