He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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