Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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