Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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