I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
