he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
