I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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