Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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