this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
