Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
