He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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