weddingsv make me drug and hornr
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
