is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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