is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Randomize
