Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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