even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
