This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
