Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
