Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
