So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
