just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
