He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
