Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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