Define "chronic" masturbator.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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