ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
