dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
