Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
