I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
