I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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