i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
