he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
