that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
