Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize