I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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