Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
