bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
