I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
