Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
