apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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